Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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