so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
