Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize