yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
