he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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