I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
