I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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