Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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