Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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