I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
