i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
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