It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
