I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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