I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
