He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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