Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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