dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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