i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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