i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
