did you get engaged???
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
