They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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