Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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