I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
