found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize