if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
