i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
