just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
