I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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