saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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