i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
