Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
