If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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