My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
