hotel room ftw
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
