How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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