We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
