I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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