i'm signing you up for texting rehab
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
