I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
