dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
