Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
