i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize