Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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