I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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