i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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