i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
