Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize