I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
