So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
