im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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