went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
