Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
