and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
