if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
