Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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