What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
