Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
