Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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