I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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