FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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