I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You are the jesus of drinking
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
