he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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