I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
