You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
