Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
