dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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