i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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