Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
