just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
