why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
