I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
