I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
