I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
