It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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